Sunday, May 8, 2011

What I've Learned

There is a magnet in the middle of my fridge.  It says, "In raising my children, I have lost my mind, but found my soul." How true this is.

I had no idea that I could love so deeply.  Sometimes, I swear I'm certifiably insane, and all I can find to explain the crazy is the depth of my love for these three little people who call me, "MOM". 

I always dreamed of finding my true love, of truly being able to say "you are the love of my life."  Only today, in this moment, have I realized that THEY ARE!! There it has been, in front of my face for almost 11 years now.  The three loves of my life are my children.

My first child was due on Mother's Day.  She is my little flower, my springtime gift, and with her birth, a mother was born.  She is everything new and beautiful.  She is my inspiration, and when I look at her I want to be a better person.  In her eyes I see compassion, innocence, and pure love for humanity. 

My second child came in the fall.  He is color and light and a reminder that change is good, it is the only constant there is in life.   He is insightful and sensitive and intuitive.  Despite struggling as the middle child to find his way, his emotions run deeper than either of his siblings.  He is love and perseverance embodied.

My third child was an unexpected Christmas gift.  I knew I wanted a third child, but little did I know that I would get this little piece of perfection that made my family complete so soon.  Born in the cold of winter, he is warmth and happiness and joy.  He always has a kind word, a compliment, or a deep thought to share.  He is charming and smart and a sharp dresser.  He completes a trinity of awesome love that makes me who I am...Mommy.

These three amazing children are so different.  They are their own unique, brilliant, beautiful people.  Yes, they share the same eyes, and they share amazing senses of humor, and to my elation, senses of self.  They share a bond as siblings that I cannot explain, because I have no siblings of my own.  They are each other's best friends, and sometimes worst enemies.  In each other, they learn diplomacy, patience, sharing, negotiation, communication, and their own special kind of love.

I LOVE being a mother.  I love being THEIR mother.  I bake cupcakes for all the holidays and we play with play doh and finger paints and I am on the PTG and volunteer with their sports and clubs.  There is a steady stream of kids visiting our house.  There are toys and books in abundance, and poster frames in the stairwell to display their artwork.  There are signs everywhere that this is a home filled with kids.  I hope that it is as obvious that it is a home filled with love.

I wrote in recent days of wondering what I wanted to do and be...but the reality is, that all that I could ever aspire to do pales in comparision to being a mother.  This IS what I was meant to do, and who I am meant to be.  While they inspire me to pursue greater things, I know that as long as I am loving and nurturing them, I am giving the best of myself to this world.

Today is not about flowers or gifts or cards or meals, it is about pure love and gratitude.  There will never be words to express the depth of the love I feel for them, or the appreciation I have for the amazing gift I have been given in being their Mom.

Happy Mother's Day.  I'm off to try to collect the scattered thoughts in my mind, and hug and kiss and squeeze the living, walking, laughing, breathing pieces of my soul...

I love you, Kayla, Tyler, and Ryan!!

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