Happy, he's one of the Seven Dwarves, right? It certainly does seem these days that happy is some elusive part of a fairy tale that I just can't seem to find...
In the very center of my fridge is a clipping from a magazine (Oprah, I think!) It says, "What would it take to make you happier in the next 10 years...the next 10 months...the next moment?"
The truth is, I'm really not sure these days. So, here I am, writing again to try to figure it out.
10 years? Sounds like a job interview. "Where do you see yourself in 10 years?" If you asked me that 10 years ago? The answer wouldn't have been where I am right now. Single mom of three struggling to get ANYTHING right - yeah...not fairy tale material. Do I know what the next decade might bring? I have a hazy vision of what I'd like it to be, but no real concrete answer. Of course, I want to be fully immersed in my happily ever after. Happy, healthy, nearly grown kids. Celebrating anniversaries with a fabulous husband. Crazy successful, lucrative, gratifying career. A boatload of memories of ten years well spent, and looking forward to another half century of living. Is that too cliche'? Too vague? I know this paragraph has a lot of question marks.
If we manifest our lives, then what is it that I really want ten years from now? How do I place a specific order with the Universe that says, "Life, I want NO MORE wasted years! I want the happy ending!"? Maybe I need to narrow things down a bit.
10 months? OK, a little less hazy, I mean I can make a laundry list of what I'd like to accomplish. Healthier lifestyle including weight loss, yoga, running the Boilermaker, and meditating daily. Keeping a vision board so that the dreams are more tangible. College leading to Bachelor's degree and aforementioned career. Financial stability. Amazing guy in my life. Travel. Home improvements. (this list could get ridiculously long!) QUALITY time with my kids. Memories made with friends. Stellar performance in my volunteer roles with the middle school PTG and hockey association. Wow, as I am typing, I'm finding that this, too, is pretty ambiguous. What the hell DO I want?
This minute. What do I want in THIS minute? I want to feel joy. I keep trying to choose it, but it seems to keep escaping me. I'm sitting in this funk, trying to figure it all out, and the chaotic whirl of what if's in my head just leaves me...stuck. I want to have a plan. I want to wake up every morning, put my feet on the ground, and have a purpose, and know I'm getting closer to the life I've always dreamed of. What would it take to make me happier? I really don't know...but I am bound and determined to figure it out. I need focus, and a plan.
I don't want Happy to be part of a fairy tale. I don't want it to be a place I'm trying to get to, I want it to be the place where I live every day. I think it's just going to take a little more time to sort out exactly what it is that brings me that feeling, and immerse myself in it. It's time to shake the funk, and dive into a big vat of happy. Now...which way do I go? Anyone have a map?
Happy IS the place where you live every day. You choose to find the angle which shows you that you do have it. It belongs to you... sometimes you have to truly seek it out, but you have those moments when you are happy. No one is happy all the time, T. We each search for it in our own way. We top one mountain only to see a higher one in the distance, and we pick up our feet and walk again. ILYBM!
ReplyDeleteI just feel like I'm not seeing ANYTHING these days. I really do feel stuck. I'm not sure which direction to go in. Maybe I didn't go high enough, I'm in this foggy, cloudy haze where nothing seems clear.
ReplyDeleteI know that something needs to change, but fear has me stuck in neutral. It's not like me, but it is where I am...