Sunday, January 29, 2012


I may be way out of line, but this has been bothering me SO much recently!! 

I feel that pack a day smokers have no business complaining how "broke" they are.  Even the cheapest cigarettes are $5 - for a pack a day smoker that's $150 a month!  For the name brands, it is TWICE that! $300??? That is a CAR PAYMENT! 

And how many of those people are standing out in front of the Social Service office taking a "smoke break."?   I am out of work, and our Department of Labor is in the same building as the Social Services office.  You have to FIGHT your way through the people and stench to get down the sidewalk to the DOL entrance.  You can SMOKE but you can't buy groceries?!?!?  Are you applying for health insurance??? I use that service, but why are tax dollars paying for YOUR ILLNESSES and your family's that are caused by smoking??

How about just like you have to indicate marital status or race when you apply for services, you also indicate SMOKER OR NON!?!  Then we can reduce your food benefits by what you're paying for cigs - so you spend your money appropriately?   Or how about you pay something toward your health insurance since you're likely going to need it far more just because you CHOOSE to engage in self destructive behavior?  It makes ME sick just thinking about it!!

I'm against smoking primarily because I lost my dad to lung cancer, and I am asthmatic and being around smoke and smokers throws my lungs into a frezny - but that aside?  The "poor me" behavior only irritates me more. Boo hoo - you don't have any money?  QUIT!  And think about it when you have that $5 or $10 to spend every day but can't pay your bills! :(

Rant ended - it is probably none of my business anyway - but I can't think of many other things that are an obvious CHOICE that people make that has this kind of an impact. 

Wednesday, January 25, 2012

Time, time, time

Time.  7 long years. 20% of my life. 

If you had asked me then, I never would have fathomed that I would still be alone 7 years after my divorce.  I envisioned a couple of years of adjustment and soul searching, but then I imagined someone wonderful would come into my life and be my partner on this crazy roller coaster ride.  I thought someone would be by my side helping me make the hard decisions, and celebrating life's little victories.

Instead, here I am, 7 years later...still single.  Everyone had their opinions and advice.  At first it was - "it's too soon, you haven't been alone that long."  Truth be told, I was alone for most of my marriage.  15 long years together - at the breaking point - half my life.  We existed.  We never really lived, and we truly probably didn't love much at all.  So that few years seemed like an eternity.

Later, it was "put yourself out there!"  I did.  I had some horrific first dates.  I posted that computer classified that garnered little response.  I did have a few relationships, but nothing that lasted...and nothing that ever brought that feeling that I so desperately desire.

Over time, I have watched so many of my friends meet people, fall in love, and find their bliss.  I  wonder then, why this one thing continues to elude me?  And it is never fun to be the 5th wheel.

So here I am...still waiting.  The online route is not an option. Whenever I try that, it just never feels right.  Besides, isn't it the ads that say 1 in 5 new relationships begin online? What about the other 4?  I find it hard to believe that in all of my experiences, and in all of the things that I do and places that I go, that someone hasn't come into my life.

I feel like I've tried everything.  I've written.  I've Feng Shui'd.  I've prayed.  I've tried to manifest. I've immersed myself in self improvement and creating a good life for myself...but time, it marches on.

I have a lot of blessings - beautiful children, amazing friends, exciting and rewarding experiences - but the one thing I desire most, someone to share all of it with, still escapes me.  Time is what I wish for.  Someone to savor life's moments  with me - to lie down beside me at night and wake with me in the morning. To dream with me, to grow old with me. 

I'm growing older, but still...I wait.  And time, it keeps on ticking...