Today, I could really care less about any one or any thing else in this world. I've had enough. For today, I'm going to behave like everyone else out there. I am going to be obnoxious, selfish, self absorbed, thoughtless, rude, unappreciative, and lazy. I'm going to see what it feels like to walk in the shoes of those who are so ready to abuse, criticize, or take for granted people like me.
I have lived by the mantras that "if you want to change your life, you've got to change your life", "what you put out into the Universe comes back to you three fold", and "you can't change anyone but yourself" for most of my life - and have REALLY committed to those ideals for over five years now. Particularly since my divorce, I've done everything possible to be the best person that *I* can be - I've gone to therapy, I've read motivational books, watched inspirational programming and DVD's, been to workshops, surrounded myself with what I thought were positive people, journaled, blogged, Feng Shui-ed, manifested, vision boarded, and generally tried to live my life as a person who gives of myself without thinking about what's in it for me. I volunteer and advocate in areas of my life where I am passionate and believe I can make a difference. I do it because I can, because I'm blessed to have certain skills and talents and I think they should be shared, and because I think there is value in a life of service. I don't expect anyone to fall at my feet for those things, but I do expect that as I give to the world, the world will give back to me. I thought that I'd been paying it forward and that it would somehow come back around. Isn't that how it is supposed to work? Isn't there some kind of reward for being good and generous and giving?
Well, my life hasn't changed, what has come back to me three fold are heaps of shit and mountains of stress, and still I'm told repeatedly that I'm not enough, I haven't "learned the lessons" yet, and that maybe I need more therapy. I've been mocked, yelled at, and even blatantly laughed at for my beliefs and efforts. At this point, I'd really just like to tell the world - and those people in particular who have cut me to the core, to go screw themselves. What I'm getting lately is that the more you give, the more is expected of you, and the LESS you get. I feel like I have completely lost myself in trying to be that good and giving person - only to be told again, "well, you shouldn't have done so much!" Seriously, HOW am I supposed to get it right? Too much, not enough, either way it can't possibly be that I've been dealt a shitty hand or that maybe someone ELSE should step up for a change. It always comes down to there being something "wrong" with me.
I keep watching those around me. What they desire appears in their lives, and they don't seem to be doing anything that I'm not. For that matter, I doubt that many of them are EVER consciously considering how to create what they desire in their lives. It just HAPPENS! I watch people who are just completely consumed by their own selfish desires completely take for granted what they have, complain constantly, treat others poorly, and STILL have what they want. Oh wait, and then they continue to ask for MORE - not just ask - DEMAND - and often from me. Sometimes I don't have anything left to give. It's also ironic that those who are immersed in the best moments of their lives are the first to criticize. Really, it's a bit of a slap in the face when someone truly can't see the depth of your pain because the worries aren't pounding on their door.
I continue to struggle. And then, I ask myself, are my critics right? What AM I doing wrong? Why is THIS my path? Some answer that we manifest, we choose our paths. I can PROMISE YOU that I DID NOT manifest being alone in my life save for 3 children who absolutely consume my every moment. THAT was NOT part of my plan. It is not anything that has EVER been a conscious thought to me, yet, it is what I have. I have no family around to speak of save for a heap of dysfunction that contacts me when they want something, and oh wait, and criticise, belittle, and take advantage of me whenever possible. There are very very very few people that I know who have a situation that is remotely close to mine. Yes, there are some who have family who drive them nuts or a husband or partner who doesn't "do their part" - but that does not make them ALONE OR a "SINGLE PARENT".
UGH! THAT ONE pisses me off more than most. "Oh, my husband/wife doesn't do much, so I'm like a single parent." SERIOUSLY!?!? Um, no, you're not. Until there is absolutely no other adult to consult about decisions, bring home a paycheck, prepare a meal, check homework, fix something that is broken, or drive somewhere; until you truly don't have anyone to "divide and conquer" between multiple children, until that person DOES NOT reside in your home and participate in raising your child/children, you're NOT "like" a single parent. Stop insulting those of us who are. Sorry, I digress, but really, that infuriates me and is the epitome of hurtful and inconsiderate to single parents.
If we manifest, then why is it that the things that have been CONSTANT WISHES AND DREAMS IN MY LIFE have never appeared? True love, a big, happy family, a wonderful, fulfilling career, and a beautiful home to will with love and friends and laughter. Those are the things that my dreams have been woven of my entire life. And yet, they are absent.
I don't want to sound like a martyr. I don't want to disrespect or disregard what I do have - my children are incredible blessings and I adore being a mother to them and feel privileged to be in their lives - but I DON'T appreciate being disrespected, or having to make every decision and provide for their every need by myself. It is absolutely exhausting, to the point that on days like this I am nothing but bitter and angry at the thought of even pouring them a bowl of cereal.
I do have wonderful friends, but they have their own lives and they aren't here in my day to day -- and sometimes even when they are, there are a few who without a doubt take far more than they give. If I'm having a bad day they react with "What's Tanya's problem?", not, "I love you, can I help?" For those that are there with love and support, I'm so thankful.
Lately, it is even more confusing because every message in my life is a complete contradiction. I feel like just when I'm figuring things out or making the right choices or changes, they turn out to be ridiculous messes. I feel like insane situations keep presenting themselves, and I have no clue how to deal with them. The last one, the one that really threw my emotions into overdrive...well I don't even have words for that one, but it has certainly caused me to take pause and ask a lot of questions about life.
I needed to write this. I had to spew out all of the hate and anger and frustration. No one has any problem dumping theirs on me, so here is mine. And do you know something? I don't want any answers. I know that in a few days, I'll be back to my normal giving, optimistic self - at least I hope I will.
All I needed, all I craved was someone to say, "hey, I love you, and it will be OK" even if that is an utter lie. I needed some time without everyone demanding of me. I needed a break from "Tanya, Tanya, Mommy, Mommy, gimme, gimme." I needed to not feel broken, or wrong, or like I still had some kind of work to do. I just needed to feel loved and protected - like I had a soft place to land when the horrifying free fall stopped. Instead, I had doors slammed, criticisms abound, and more demands piled on.
I hope I can weed through this. I hope that the tears and the pain stop and that some answers come. I don't need more therapy or to write in my gratitude journal or any other band-aid. I just need to be in my pain, to have my worries accepted and validated, and to maybe to have someone to lean on or hold my hand while I'm finding my way. I don't want anyone elses shoes...I just want mine to not hurt so much.
Monday, February 20, 2012
Monday, February 13, 2012
There is no Un-Do button in Life
"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come."
- Joseph Campbell
They say that if you change one thing about your life, you change everything, therefore you shouldn't regret the choices you have made because they have in fact, made you who you are.
Most of the time, I am a true believer of that philosophy, but I can't deny that if I had a Do-Over, there are a few things that I would do:
I would control my temper and my tongue. It is not too late to make changes where this is concerned, but there are moments and words I truly wish I could take back, and that overall my demeanor was somewhat more calm and patient.
I would be more economically minded, and I would have saved, budgeted, and made better financial decisions. Again, going forward I can make wiser choices, but I can't get back what is gone, nor avoid the consequences of my choices up 'til now.
I would have gotten better grades in high school - even though I was an honors student I think sometimes my focus wasn't what it could have been. And then, I would have completed my Bachelors Degree right out of high school. This, too, is something that I can't change, 20 years have passed. But I can try again, and I'm wrapping up my first semester toward this goal as we speak. Still, I'm sure it would be easier if I didn't have to try to balance all of this school work with adult responsibilities! I most certainly would take advantage of dorm life and hours upon hours of available study time. (I also miss my 18 year old stamina where that is concerned!)
I would be more health conscious. I came from a meat and potatoes and Coca Cola and chocolate cake household. I wish there were more exercise and fruit and veggies, and that I didn't have to struggle so hard to create better habits now. But, I've discovered Zumba and CSA's and know that filling my stomach doesn't equal filling my soul.
I would have loved myself more, and known that THAT kind of love would have led to more fulfilling external relationships. I kept looking for someone else to fill me up, when all that did was drain me - beyond empty. Now, I'm still hoping to have someone by my side to share my life, that is a DEFINITE wish on my Do-Over list - but the responsibility of my happiness belongs to me, not anyone else. Now it is about finding a partner and companion, when then it was about having someone to "make me happy." I'm glad that I understand that now, but wish I hadn't had to go through so much pain to figure it out.
Anyone sensing a theme here? All of these things can be changed...but I wish I knew then what I know now. There is no Do-Over, but there is always starting over - as long as we're willing to try! It's a good thing then that "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."
- C. S. Lewis
- Joseph Campbell
They say that if you change one thing about your life, you change everything, therefore you shouldn't regret the choices you have made because they have in fact, made you who you are.
Most of the time, I am a true believer of that philosophy, but I can't deny that if I had a Do-Over, there are a few things that I would do:
I would control my temper and my tongue. It is not too late to make changes where this is concerned, but there are moments and words I truly wish I could take back, and that overall my demeanor was somewhat more calm and patient.
I would be more economically minded, and I would have saved, budgeted, and made better financial decisions. Again, going forward I can make wiser choices, but I can't get back what is gone, nor avoid the consequences of my choices up 'til now.
I would have gotten better grades in high school - even though I was an honors student I think sometimes my focus wasn't what it could have been. And then, I would have completed my Bachelors Degree right out of high school. This, too, is something that I can't change, 20 years have passed. But I can try again, and I'm wrapping up my first semester toward this goal as we speak. Still, I'm sure it would be easier if I didn't have to try to balance all of this school work with adult responsibilities! I most certainly would take advantage of dorm life and hours upon hours of available study time. (I also miss my 18 year old stamina where that is concerned!)
I would be more health conscious. I came from a meat and potatoes and Coca Cola and chocolate cake household. I wish there were more exercise and fruit and veggies, and that I didn't have to struggle so hard to create better habits now. But, I've discovered Zumba and CSA's and know that filling my stomach doesn't equal filling my soul.
I would have loved myself more, and known that THAT kind of love would have led to more fulfilling external relationships. I kept looking for someone else to fill me up, when all that did was drain me - beyond empty. Now, I'm still hoping to have someone by my side to share my life, that is a DEFINITE wish on my Do-Over list - but the responsibility of my happiness belongs to me, not anyone else. Now it is about finding a partner and companion, when then it was about having someone to "make me happy." I'm glad that I understand that now, but wish I hadn't had to go through so much pain to figure it out.
Anyone sensing a theme here? All of these things can be changed...but I wish I knew then what I know now. There is no Do-Over, but there is always starting over - as long as we're willing to try! It's a good thing then that "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."
- C. S. Lewis
Upsetting the apple cart
I've been hooked on cliches lately. This probably stems from the college classes that I am taking - they make you think very literally, and only then can you see how some phrases have truly become a part of the vernacular. One in particular that my Gram used to say was, "don't upset the apple cart" when I'd become frustrated. She wanted me to be rational and thoughtful, and for so many years of my life, I tended to be anything but. I am strong willed, strong minded, and didn't always understand how to harness those traits and make them work to my advantage.
I wish there had been a little more guidance on making right choices. I wish I understood that phrase then. With little to base my decisions on other than a fire in my gut and a notion that I wanted to change the world, I forged on. What I didn't realize was that somehow, I was filling my cart with wormy, rotten apples, and now it seems I've dumped the whole damn thing down a hill, losing the apples and smashing the cart to bits.
Generally, it is quotes rather than cliches that I seek and find inspiration. As of late though, no matter what words of wisdom or truth I read, write, or recite, I still find myself buried in worry, fear, and at some points, self - loathing. I tend to be a positive person, but I am struggling to see the bright side of anything these days. The worst part of it is that while I understand how I got where I am, and what responsibility I have in the choices that I have made, I am having trouble understanding that despite having a good heart and the best intentions, that I still feel so horrible.
How many mistakes do we have to make? How bad do things have to get before they turn around? And for all the good I do and love I share and time I give, when does it finally come back? How do I stop feeling absolutely stuck? How do I build myself a new cart, and where do I find a tree with delicious, healthy apples to start refilling the cart of my life again?
The quote I read today really struck me, as paralyzed is exactly how I am feeling. I feel like an accident victim, staring at the damaged cart and the smashed apples and the giant mess that appears to be my life and I just can't imagine how to clean it all up.
But the words were this: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you;
Well, I HAVE discovered who I am. At this point in my life I truly know EXACTLY what I want, I just have NO idea how to get there, and I feel like I have no choices. How do I start picking new apples when I can't afford a cart or know where there are any blossoming apple trees? In this dead of winter of my life, how do I start over?
I didn't just upset the apple cart, I may as well have set off a bomb inside of it. I self destructed my own life, and while I accept responsibility for that, I now have to figure out how to start over. I'm trying to set my life back into motion, but when you are paralyzed by fear and worry and remorse, how do you right the cart and get back to harvesting the fruits of a joyful life?
I wish there had been a little more guidance on making right choices. I wish I understood that phrase then. With little to base my decisions on other than a fire in my gut and a notion that I wanted to change the world, I forged on. What I didn't realize was that somehow, I was filling my cart with wormy, rotten apples, and now it seems I've dumped the whole damn thing down a hill, losing the apples and smashing the cart to bits.
Generally, it is quotes rather than cliches that I seek and find inspiration. As of late though, no matter what words of wisdom or truth I read, write, or recite, I still find myself buried in worry, fear, and at some points, self - loathing. I tend to be a positive person, but I am struggling to see the bright side of anything these days. The worst part of it is that while I understand how I got where I am, and what responsibility I have in the choices that I have made, I am having trouble understanding that despite having a good heart and the best intentions, that I still feel so horrible.
How many mistakes do we have to make? How bad do things have to get before they turn around? And for all the good I do and love I share and time I give, when does it finally come back? How do I stop feeling absolutely stuck? How do I build myself a new cart, and where do I find a tree with delicious, healthy apples to start refilling the cart of my life again?
The quote I read today really struck me, as paralyzed is exactly how I am feeling. I feel like an accident victim, staring at the damaged cart and the smashed apples and the giant mess that appears to be my life and I just can't imagine how to clean it all up.
But the words were this: "Life's challenges are not supposed to paralyze you;
Well, I HAVE discovered who I am. At this point in my life I truly know EXACTLY what I want, I just have NO idea how to get there, and I feel like I have no choices. How do I start picking new apples when I can't afford a cart or know where there are any blossoming apple trees? In this dead of winter of my life, how do I start over?
I didn't just upset the apple cart, I may as well have set off a bomb inside of it. I self destructed my own life, and while I accept responsibility for that, I now have to figure out how to start over. I'm trying to set my life back into motion, but when you are paralyzed by fear and worry and remorse, how do you right the cart and get back to harvesting the fruits of a joyful life?
Sunday, January 29, 2012
My RANT
I may be way out of line, but this has been bothering me SO much recently!!
I feel that pack a day smokers have no business complaining how "broke" they are. Even the cheapest cigarettes are $5 - for a pack a day smoker that's $150 a month! For the name brands, it is TWICE that! $300??? That is a CAR PAYMENT!
And how many of those people are standing out in front of the Social Service office taking a "smoke break."? I am out of work, and our Department of Labor is in the same building as the Social Services office. You have to FIGHT your way through the people and stench to get down the sidewalk to the DOL entrance. You can SMOKE but you can't buy groceries?!?!? Are you applying for health insurance??? I use that service, but why are tax dollars paying for YOUR ILLNESSES and your family's that are caused by smoking??
How about just like you have to indicate marital status or race when you apply for services, you also indicate SMOKER OR NON!?! Then we can reduce your food benefits by what you're paying for cigs - so you spend your money appropriately? Or how about you pay something toward your health insurance since you're likely going to need it far more just because you CHOOSE to engage in self destructive behavior? It makes ME sick just thinking about it!!
I'm against smoking primarily because I lost my dad to lung cancer, and I am asthmatic and being around smoke and smokers throws my lungs into a frezny - but that aside? The "poor me" behavior only irritates me more. Boo hoo - you don't have any money? QUIT! And think about it when you have that $5 or $10 to spend every day but can't pay your bills! :(
Rant ended - it is probably none of my business anyway - but I can't think of many other things that are an obvious CHOICE that people make that has this kind of an impact.
I feel that pack a day smokers have no business complaining how "broke" they are. Even the cheapest cigarettes are $5 - for a pack a day smoker that's $150 a month! For the name brands, it is TWICE that! $300??? That is a CAR PAYMENT!
And how many of those people are standing out in front of the Social Service office taking a "smoke break."? I am out of work, and our Department of Labor is in the same building as the Social Services office. You have to FIGHT your way through the people and stench to get down the sidewalk to the DOL entrance. You can SMOKE but you can't buy groceries?!?!? Are you applying for health insurance??? I use that service, but why are tax dollars paying for YOUR ILLNESSES and your family's that are caused by smoking??
How about just like you have to indicate marital status or race when you apply for services, you also indicate SMOKER OR NON!?! Then we can reduce your food benefits by what you're paying for cigs - so you spend your money appropriately? Or how about you pay something toward your health insurance since you're likely going to need it far more just because you CHOOSE to engage in self destructive behavior? It makes ME sick just thinking about it!!
I'm against smoking primarily because I lost my dad to lung cancer, and I am asthmatic and being around smoke and smokers throws my lungs into a frezny - but that aside? The "poor me" behavior only irritates me more. Boo hoo - you don't have any money? QUIT! And think about it when you have that $5 or $10 to spend every day but can't pay your bills! :(
Rant ended - it is probably none of my business anyway - but I can't think of many other things that are an obvious CHOICE that people make that has this kind of an impact.
Wednesday, January 25, 2012
Time, time, time
Time. 7 long years. 20% of my life.
If you had asked me then, I never would have fathomed that I would still be alone 7 years after my divorce. I envisioned a couple of years of adjustment and soul searching, but then I imagined someone wonderful would come into my life and be my partner on this crazy roller coaster ride. I thought someone would be by my side helping me make the hard decisions, and celebrating life's little victories.
Instead, here I am, 7 years later...still single. Everyone had their opinions and advice. At first it was - "it's too soon, you haven't been alone that long." Truth be told, I was alone for most of my marriage. 15 long years together - at the breaking point - half my life. We existed. We never really lived, and we truly probably didn't love much at all. So that few years seemed like an eternity.
Later, it was "put yourself out there!" I did. I had some horrific first dates. I posted that computer classified that garnered little response. I did have a few relationships, but nothing that lasted...and nothing that ever brought that feeling that I so desperately desire.
Over time, I have watched so many of my friends meet people, fall in love, and find their bliss. I wonder then, why this one thing continues to elude me? And it is never fun to be the 5th wheel.
So here I am...still waiting. The online route is not an option. Whenever I try that, it just never feels right. Besides, isn't it the Match.com ads that say 1 in 5 new relationships begin online? What about the other 4? I find it hard to believe that in all of my experiences, and in all of the things that I do and places that I go, that someone hasn't come into my life.
I feel like I've tried everything. I've written. I've Feng Shui'd. I've prayed. I've tried to manifest. I've immersed myself in self improvement and creating a good life for myself...but time, it marches on.
I have a lot of blessings - beautiful children, amazing friends, exciting and rewarding experiences - but the one thing I desire most, someone to share all of it with, still escapes me. Time is what I wish for. Someone to savor life's moments with me - to lie down beside me at night and wake with me in the morning. To dream with me, to grow old with me.
I'm growing older, but still...I wait. And time, it keeps on ticking...
If you had asked me then, I never would have fathomed that I would still be alone 7 years after my divorce. I envisioned a couple of years of adjustment and soul searching, but then I imagined someone wonderful would come into my life and be my partner on this crazy roller coaster ride. I thought someone would be by my side helping me make the hard decisions, and celebrating life's little victories.
Instead, here I am, 7 years later...still single. Everyone had their opinions and advice. At first it was - "it's too soon, you haven't been alone that long." Truth be told, I was alone for most of my marriage. 15 long years together - at the breaking point - half my life. We existed. We never really lived, and we truly probably didn't love much at all. So that few years seemed like an eternity.
Later, it was "put yourself out there!" I did. I had some horrific first dates. I posted that computer classified that garnered little response. I did have a few relationships, but nothing that lasted...and nothing that ever brought that feeling that I so desperately desire.
Over time, I have watched so many of my friends meet people, fall in love, and find their bliss. I wonder then, why this one thing continues to elude me? And it is never fun to be the 5th wheel.
So here I am...still waiting. The online route is not an option. Whenever I try that, it just never feels right. Besides, isn't it the Match.com ads that say 1 in 5 new relationships begin online? What about the other 4? I find it hard to believe that in all of my experiences, and in all of the things that I do and places that I go, that someone hasn't come into my life.
I feel like I've tried everything. I've written. I've Feng Shui'd. I've prayed. I've tried to manifest. I've immersed myself in self improvement and creating a good life for myself...but time, it marches on.
I have a lot of blessings - beautiful children, amazing friends, exciting and rewarding experiences - but the one thing I desire most, someone to share all of it with, still escapes me. Time is what I wish for. Someone to savor life's moments with me - to lie down beside me at night and wake with me in the morning. To dream with me, to grow old with me.
I'm growing older, but still...I wait. And time, it keeps on ticking...
Friday, December 30, 2011
A Little Faith
It seems to me we all spend a lot of our life looking for answers. I am abundantly blessed by many friends, acquaintances and colleagues who have come into my life in recent years who are seeking to find just what I am - a way to live an authentic and meaningful life. We all have hopes, dreams, and desires that go far below the surface; that define us as we aspire to live a life filled with more than just "things." Sometimes though, it has been hard to describe just what it is we're all looking for. I'm always wanting some definitive answer that says, "YES! You've GOT IT!!"
As I've spent time searching for words of wisdom and signs to let me know I'm on the right path, they've most often come to me when least expected. Last night I had one of those experiences. I watched the Hallmark presentation of Mitch Albom's "Have A Little Faith." I'm impressed mostly at how raw and personal the story was. I am in awe of writers who can bare their souls in such a wonderful way and who can touch the lives of others. My life was undoubtedly altered by this man's words and experiences.
I have struggled with my faith for some time. I suppose it isn't my faith really, as much as it is the idea of religion. What I heard last night in the context of a "sappy, made-for-TV movie" explained it better than I've ever heard it, and gave me the peace of knowing that whatever version of God I seek, what's important is that I simply look up, and have a little faith. When I was searching for the exact words that I heard so that I was sure to quote them correctly, I found the full text from Mr. Albom's book that struck me so profoundly:
"Is there any winning a religious argument? Whose God is better than whose? Who got the Bible right or wrong? I preferred figures like Rajchandra, the Indian poet who influenced Gandhi by teaching that no religion was superior because they all brought people closer to God; or Gandhi himself, who would break a fast with Hindu prayers, Muslim quotations, or a Christian hymn.
Over the years, the Reb had lived his beliefs, but never tried to convert anyone to them. As a general rule, Judaism does not seek converts. In fact, the tradition is to first discourage them, emphasizing the difficulties and suffering the religion has endured.
This is not the case with all religions. Throughout history, countless millions have been slaughtered for failing to convert, to accept another god, or to denounce their own beliefs. Rabbi Akiva, the famous second-century scholar, was tortured to death by the Romans for refusing to give up his religious study. As they raked his flesh with iron combs, he whispered his final words on earth, “Hear, oh Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.” He died with the word “one” on his lips.
That prayer — and the word “one” — were integral to the Reb’s beliefs. One, as in the singular God. One, as in the Lord’s creation, Adam.
“Ask yourself, ‘Why did God create but one man?’ ” the Reb said, wagging a finger. “Why, if he meant for there to be faiths bickering with each other, didn’t he create that from the start? He created trees, right? Not one tree, countless trees. Why not the same with man?
“Because we are all from that one man — and all from that one God. That’s the message.”
Then why, I asked, is the world so fractured?
“Well, you can look at it this way. Would you want the world to all look alike? No. The genius of life is its variety.
“Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing — debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It’s like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting that note all the time, you would go nuts. It’s the blending of the different notes that makes the music.”
"The music of what?"
“Of believing in something bigger than yourself.”
But what if someone from another faith won’t recognize yours? Or wants you dead for it?
"That is not faith. That is hate.” He sighed. “And if you ask me, God sits up there and cries when that happens.”
He coughed, then, as if to reassure me, he smiled. He had full-time help at the house now; his home care workers had included a tall woman from Ghana and a burly Russian man. Now, on weekdays, there was a lovely Hindu woman from Trinidad named Teela. She helped get him dressed and do some light exercises in the morning, fixed his meals, and drove him to the supermarket and synagogue. Sometimes she would play Hindi religious music over her car stereo. The Reb enjoyed it and asked for a translation. When she talked about reincarnation, per her faith, he quizzed her and apologized for not knowing more about Hinduism over the years.
How can you — a cleric — be so open-minded? I asked.
“Look. I know what I believe. It’s in my soul. But I constantly tell our people: you should be convinced of the authenticity of what you have, but you must also be humble enough to say that we don’t know everything. And since we don’t know everything, we must accept that another person may believe something else.”
He sighed.
“I’m not being original here, Mitch. Most religions teach us to love our neighbor.”
-----------
It's put a bit more simply in the movie:
Rabbi Albert Lewis: Did God make trees?
Mitch: Yeah.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: Why trees? Why not A tree? I mean, he's God. What he makes is perfect. So, why not one perfect tree for the whole earth? Instead, he gave us the oak, the spruce, the elm, the redwood.
Mitch: Right.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: So, maybe faith is the same. Many trees, the branches all going to Him.
Mitch: Have you looked at the world lately? The trees are all attacking each other.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: That's not faith, that's hate.
Mitch: Engaged in the name of a religion.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: And wrongly! Thou shall not kill. Honor thy neighbor. If I mean these things, and the other guy means these things, what do you get?
Mitch: ...Peace on earth.
I say, let there be peace on earth...and let it begin with me. As long as I have faith, then is there a right or a wrong? My guess is no. What I got from all of this is that it is better to be faithful and seek God in whatever form we are able than to have no faith at all.
Despite my struggles and questions where religion is concerned, I have always come back to certain scriptures that resound within me and that I try to abide by. One of those was even read at my wedding, and for a long time, on a print on my wall:
I Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I have been told that the messages we need to hear and the lessons we need to learn will always repeat themselves. With this coming to mind, I know then, that what I seek, and what those like-minded souls who grace my life are also seeking is just that - faith, hope, and love. That is no secret, it is a simple truth we often fail to see.
What Mitch Albom learned is that we are, indeed, seeking the same things:
As I've spent time searching for words of wisdom and signs to let me know I'm on the right path, they've most often come to me when least expected. Last night I had one of those experiences. I watched the Hallmark presentation of Mitch Albom's "Have A Little Faith." I'm impressed mostly at how raw and personal the story was. I am in awe of writers who can bare their souls in such a wonderful way and who can touch the lives of others. My life was undoubtedly altered by this man's words and experiences.
I have struggled with my faith for some time. I suppose it isn't my faith really, as much as it is the idea of religion. What I heard last night in the context of a "sappy, made-for-TV movie" explained it better than I've ever heard it, and gave me the peace of knowing that whatever version of God I seek, what's important is that I simply look up, and have a little faith. When I was searching for the exact words that I heard so that I was sure to quote them correctly, I found the full text from Mr. Albom's book that struck me so profoundly:
"Is there any winning a religious argument? Whose God is better than whose? Who got the Bible right or wrong? I preferred figures like Rajchandra, the Indian poet who influenced Gandhi by teaching that no religion was superior because they all brought people closer to God; or Gandhi himself, who would break a fast with Hindu prayers, Muslim quotations, or a Christian hymn.
Over the years, the Reb had lived his beliefs, but never tried to convert anyone to them. As a general rule, Judaism does not seek converts. In fact, the tradition is to first discourage them, emphasizing the difficulties and suffering the religion has endured.
This is not the case with all religions. Throughout history, countless millions have been slaughtered for failing to convert, to accept another god, or to denounce their own beliefs. Rabbi Akiva, the famous second-century scholar, was tortured to death by the Romans for refusing to give up his religious study. As they raked his flesh with iron combs, he whispered his final words on earth, “Hear, oh Israel, the Lord our God, the Lord is One.” He died with the word “one” on his lips.
That prayer — and the word “one” — were integral to the Reb’s beliefs. One, as in the singular God. One, as in the Lord’s creation, Adam.
“Ask yourself, ‘Why did God create but one man?’ ” the Reb said, wagging a finger. “Why, if he meant for there to be faiths bickering with each other, didn’t he create that from the start? He created trees, right? Not one tree, countless trees. Why not the same with man?
“Because we are all from that one man — and all from that one God. That’s the message.”
Then why, I asked, is the world so fractured?
“Well, you can look at it this way. Would you want the world to all look alike? No. The genius of life is its variety.
“Even in our own faith, we have questions and answers, interpretations, debates. In Christianity, in Catholicism, in other faiths, the same thing — debates, interpretations. That is the beauty. It’s like being a musician. If you found the note, and you kept hitting that note all the time, you would go nuts. It’s the blending of the different notes that makes the music.”
"The music of what?"
“Of believing in something bigger than yourself.”
But what if someone from another faith won’t recognize yours? Or wants you dead for it?
"That is not faith. That is hate.” He sighed. “And if you ask me, God sits up there and cries when that happens.”
He coughed, then, as if to reassure me, he smiled. He had full-time help at the house now; his home care workers had included a tall woman from Ghana and a burly Russian man. Now, on weekdays, there was a lovely Hindu woman from Trinidad named Teela. She helped get him dressed and do some light exercises in the morning, fixed his meals, and drove him to the supermarket and synagogue. Sometimes she would play Hindi religious music over her car stereo. The Reb enjoyed it and asked for a translation. When she talked about reincarnation, per her faith, he quizzed her and apologized for not knowing more about Hinduism over the years.
How can you — a cleric — be so open-minded? I asked.
“Look. I know what I believe. It’s in my soul. But I constantly tell our people: you should be convinced of the authenticity of what you have, but you must also be humble enough to say that we don’t know everything. And since we don’t know everything, we must accept that another person may believe something else.”
He sighed.
“I’m not being original here, Mitch. Most religions teach us to love our neighbor.”
-----------
It's put a bit more simply in the movie:
Rabbi Albert Lewis: Did God make trees?
Mitch: Yeah.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: Why trees? Why not A tree? I mean, he's God. What he makes is perfect. So, why not one perfect tree for the whole earth? Instead, he gave us the oak, the spruce, the elm, the redwood.
Mitch: Right.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: So, maybe faith is the same. Many trees, the branches all going to Him.
Mitch: Have you looked at the world lately? The trees are all attacking each other.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: That's not faith, that's hate.
Mitch: Engaged in the name of a religion.
Rabbi Albert Lewis: And wrongly! Thou shall not kill. Honor thy neighbor. If I mean these things, and the other guy means these things, what do you get?
Mitch: ...Peace on earth.
I say, let there be peace on earth...and let it begin with me. As long as I have faith, then is there a right or a wrong? My guess is no. What I got from all of this is that it is better to be faithful and seek God in whatever form we are able than to have no faith at all.
Despite my struggles and questions where religion is concerned, I have always come back to certain scriptures that resound within me and that I try to abide by. One of those was even read at my wedding, and for a long time, on a print on my wall:
I Corinthians 13:1-13
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am only a resounding gong or a clanging cymbal. If I have the gift of prophecy and can fathom all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have a faith that can move mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give all I possess to the poor and surrender my body to the flames, but have not love, I gain nothing.
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. But where there are prophecies, they will cease; where there are tongues, they will be stilled; where there is knowledge, it will pass away. For we know in part and we prophesy in part, but when perfection comes, the imperfect disappears. When I was a child, I talked like a child, I thought like a child, I reasoned like a child. When I became a man, I put childish ways behind me. Now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face. Now I know in part; then I shall know fully, even as I am fully known.
And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.
I have been told that the messages we need to hear and the lessons we need to learn will always repeat themselves. With this coming to mind, I know then, that what I seek, and what those like-minded souls who grace my life are also seeking is just that - faith, hope, and love. That is no secret, it is a simple truth we often fail to see.
What Mitch Albom learned is that we are, indeed, seeking the same things:
I think then, that for the New Year I will simply be resolving to have faith. And for everyone I love - those wonderful, blessed souls searching as I am, I wish you comfort, love, and a peaceful heart.
Thursday, October 27, 2011
Owning my successes; celebrating the wins
I have to document the events of this day simply because they seem so surreal to me. I certainly have learned one profound truth: When you follow your bliss - when you TRULY choose joy and pursue things you love with passion and abandon - the universe will align to make the path easy.
It started as just another Thursday...that 5 am alarm reminding me that my body does NOT like to wake up when it is still dark outside. Out the door by 5:40. off to hockey. Arrived to see my ex husband there with new pants that had arrived for Tyler. He took on finishing suiting him up and watching his practice. I retired to the warmup room with a heap of Go Green paperwork for our student Green Team.
Some chatting with parents, and I learned someone else is taking on the team manager role. I did this last year, and it is an enormous amount of work, so it was news I took with MUCH relief!
Before practice ended, my phone had rung twice (yes, by 7 am!) One call was a dedicated volunteer mom. This woman has FOUR children, one with severe health issues. She loves to help when she can because her kids are her number one, and she'd rather give to others than dwell on her problem. She's a gifted baker and dreams of opening her own bakery one day. She was confirming donations for our Election Day Bake Sale. Next call, a short term work opportunity for next weekend. Nice to know my reputation and experience precede me.
Back home, smooth morning with the kiddos. Got them off to school, and thought, WOW, it's been a hectic week, I am game for a little indulgence. Stopped at 'Spressos, my favorite local coffeehouse, and there in the case was my ALL TIME FAVORITE, bread pudding. YUM! My warm treat and a mocha in hand, I headed out. Better check the old Blackberry calendar before continuing about my day.
An email had arrived and it threw me for a minute. The grant application I completed for our future school garden came back with "suggested edits." A Tanya of old would have been devastated by this, but I simply took a breath, reminded myself that it's not personal, and that this person was acting in our best interest by offering advice that could ultimately result in us WINNING the grant. A positive spin on constructive criticism.
The advice entailed getting an estimate for necessary materials. Of course, that meant a trip to ACE Hardware. Our local ACE is AMAZING! They are very community oriented and help us whenever they can. (The awesome planters that I put at Staley as my first act as PTG President came from their store at a VERY generous price!) I went in, told them what I needed, and was told to, "hold on while I get the right person for this job for you." I was introduced to Kevin. Through our conversation, not only did I learn that he and I attended the same Ag&Tech College, but that his major was Natural Resources Conservation (Green much???) and that he is currently practicing hydroponics. I just learned about this process when I went to Alumni weekend in September. It is essentially diverting pond water to hydrate and fertilize garden space. The fish waste in the water is an OUTSTANDING fertilizer, and the dual use of the water is extremely a sustainable effort. In addition, maintaining the pond means selling the fish in alternating years as well. This man additionally worked for a local landscaper for 13 years. Did I mention that through his hydro gardens that he donated over 1,100 pounds of produce to our local Rescue Mission this summer and fall? Um, yeah, I was falling over at the wonderful twist of fate that put him in front of me too. We planned out 4 - 4'x12' raised beds and estimated the tools needed to maintain them, along with a Rubbermaid storage shed.
While we were meeting, I was briefly interrupted by a phone call. When I answered, I was given the name of the caller. He chided, "I'm not a bill collector or a telemarketer, so you're already off to a good start!" I laughed, and he then explained that he was given my name and number by both the Mayor and the principal of Staley. They advised that I might be able to help with a very important project. Our local Red Cross, like so many in our country, lost thousands upon thousands of dollars in funding this year. They are in such dire straits that this year, our community would not have it's Thanksgiving Basket brigade. They typically provide 400-500 baskets to those in need each year. I had already been told of this shortfall when delivering canned goods to their location following our CROP Walk collection last week. The man on the phone advised that our Mayor found this unacceptable, and was searching for ways to compensate for this shortage. He has called a meeting of all of the clergy from our community tomorrow at City Hall. The role I was asked to fulfill was in assisting them in having school representation, primarily through Staley, in way of another can drive - this time seeking Thanksgiving specific items. Here's the twist. In my PTG doings, I have utilized PTO Today as a significant resource for advice in succeeding in this role. For the CROP drive, I had ordered a "Schools Fight Hunger" food drive kit. The kit arrived a day AFTER our CROP drive ended. So, I already have 1000 flyers and a banner for our school ready and waiting. This wonderful man just kept saying, "You are a blessing, and I can't wait to meet you." I was invited to tomorrow's meeting, and we're in full swing to help as many families as we can. I am SO humbled to be a part of it.
I know, you're thinking...all of this before 10 am?? YES! I got to school, and I just had to phone a friend. I was practically pinching myself. I needed to say all of this out loud before I woke up from the dream! Not only was that friend a fabulous listening ear...she offered her help in rounding up support for the basket campaign. I am so blessed to know this woman. (seriously - I've known her since Kindergarten. No Joke. God's hand in this one.)
I headed into the main office to find that a box had arrived. The materials we just ordered YESTERDAY for next Wednesday's Character Achievement Ceremony had already arrived by next day UPS. Really? ONE DAY!
Another email. Oh, there are the order forms for next week's Spirit Wear Sale kickoff. Another item crossed off the to-do list. Phone rings. Scholastic Books telling me they've located 850 copies of the book we want to use in March for our One School/One Book program. Um, yeah, not only can we GET the books, but the grant funding we have to pay for half of them will count as SALES toward our book fair. So we're going to earn a PROFIT from our own purchase. We're $3,000 in sales 12 days before the sale starts...AND we can get all of the copies we need by year end. (hmmm, where am I storing those again??)
Off to the main office to report that fabulous news, and a Go Green discussion ensues. Training for our Green team, and a go ahead to start routine recycling collections on 11/2 is approved. ANOTHER easy-button transaction.
Time to get the boys. Car is acting funny. I've been perusing a replacement, but was really hoping to have a bit more money saved. No such luck. By the time I got home, it quit. By the grace of God, I was in front of my own house. But the misfortune was I missed the boys Parent Teacher Conferences. That has NEVER happened. My aunt called, I told her the news, and she said she was on her way into work, she'd come by, I could drop her off and have her car for the night.
As soon as I delivered her safely to work, I ran to the boy's school. BOTH TEACHERS had openings in the upcoming half hour, and managed to fit in my conferences. Nothing but accolades and good reports and grades. I am so blessed by these children. Darting across town, I made it back to Staley JUST in time for my daughter's conference. More accolades. Did I mention she's getting one of the aforementioned Character Awards next week? I think an image of a peacock would make due here...
Off to the races again, this time to a meeting for our district's anti-bullying plans. State legislation goes into place in 2012 called the Dignity for All Students Act. I was sitting in a room with our superintendent, along with teachers, community leaders, and concerned parents. What we learned in 90 minutes was life altering, and the promise of the progess we have the power to make was overwhelming. I am proud to be on this committee and can't wait until our next meeting!
Back home in time to grab kids and dance bags and get them to rehearsal. Later, I got a call from a mom of one of Kayla's friends to compare notes from the above meeting. She had such wonderful things to say about my daughter. I agree, she is amazing, and I am privileged to share my life with her. That child inspires me EVERY SINGLE DAY. That she is viewed as a good friend to others is a trait that can't be taught. Her heart is just pure and compassionate. She's incredible.
Joy, joy, and JOY!
My little girl has big feet. She sent a text from dance break reminding me she needed new Ugg-styled boots. My girl, ever the smart shopper, reminded me it's BOGO at Payless. Little did she know there was a 20% off coupon in the mailbox today. Off to buy boots.
We all arrived home again, and then, one more phone call. One of the amazing women I met last week at a community meeting regarding happenings in our city, specifically renewal and Green projects, gave me a call. She asked if she could quote me in support of our Mayor. She said she's been so impressed by my efforts that she felt that should be recognized. WOW.
Now - the gift of ALL gifts...my angelic babies (dog too!) are curled up on the couch sound asleep.
I know that all of these things seem small or trivial or perhaps unimportant to anyone but me...but the reality is that doors are opening for me at such a rapid pace that I'm hard pressed to get my bearings! I had NO idea that abundance could flow so FREELY in matters of making things happen. I'm beginning to live the life of my dreams, all while being KEENLY aware of how truly blessed and fortunate I am. The smallest things make the biggest difference, and honestly, it's like I suddenly found the EASY button. Even the challenges seem small in comparison to the good I've been able to do.
I just needed to write it all down...I need to remember how I got from then to now. I need to OWN my successes and realize that all of the soul searching and finally committing to what REALLY matters in my life has paid off in ways I never could have imagined. I am thrilled and excited to see what each new day will bring. Now THAT is priceless.
It started as just another Thursday...that 5 am alarm reminding me that my body does NOT like to wake up when it is still dark outside. Out the door by 5:40. off to hockey. Arrived to see my ex husband there with new pants that had arrived for Tyler. He took on finishing suiting him up and watching his practice. I retired to the warmup room with a heap of Go Green paperwork for our student Green Team.
Some chatting with parents, and I learned someone else is taking on the team manager role. I did this last year, and it is an enormous amount of work, so it was news I took with MUCH relief!
Before practice ended, my phone had rung twice (yes, by 7 am!) One call was a dedicated volunteer mom. This woman has FOUR children, one with severe health issues. She loves to help when she can because her kids are her number one, and she'd rather give to others than dwell on her problem. She's a gifted baker and dreams of opening her own bakery one day. She was confirming donations for our Election Day Bake Sale. Next call, a short term work opportunity for next weekend. Nice to know my reputation and experience precede me.
Back home, smooth morning with the kiddos. Got them off to school, and thought, WOW, it's been a hectic week, I am game for a little indulgence. Stopped at 'Spressos, my favorite local coffeehouse, and there in the case was my ALL TIME FAVORITE, bread pudding. YUM! My warm treat and a mocha in hand, I headed out. Better check the old Blackberry calendar before continuing about my day.
An email had arrived and it threw me for a minute. The grant application I completed for our future school garden came back with "suggested edits." A Tanya of old would have been devastated by this, but I simply took a breath, reminded myself that it's not personal, and that this person was acting in our best interest by offering advice that could ultimately result in us WINNING the grant. A positive spin on constructive criticism.
The advice entailed getting an estimate for necessary materials. Of course, that meant a trip to ACE Hardware. Our local ACE is AMAZING! They are very community oriented and help us whenever they can. (The awesome planters that I put at Staley as my first act as PTG President came from their store at a VERY generous price!) I went in, told them what I needed, and was told to, "hold on while I get the right person for this job for you." I was introduced to Kevin. Through our conversation, not only did I learn that he and I attended the same Ag&Tech College, but that his major was Natural Resources Conservation (Green much???) and that he is currently practicing hydroponics. I just learned about this process when I went to Alumni weekend in September. It is essentially diverting pond water to hydrate and fertilize garden space. The fish waste in the water is an OUTSTANDING fertilizer, and the dual use of the water is extremely a sustainable effort. In addition, maintaining the pond means selling the fish in alternating years as well. This man additionally worked for a local landscaper for 13 years. Did I mention that through his hydro gardens that he donated over 1,100 pounds of produce to our local Rescue Mission this summer and fall? Um, yeah, I was falling over at the wonderful twist of fate that put him in front of me too. We planned out 4 - 4'x12' raised beds and estimated the tools needed to maintain them, along with a Rubbermaid storage shed.
While we were meeting, I was briefly interrupted by a phone call. When I answered, I was given the name of the caller. He chided, "I'm not a bill collector or a telemarketer, so you're already off to a good start!" I laughed, and he then explained that he was given my name and number by both the Mayor and the principal of Staley. They advised that I might be able to help with a very important project. Our local Red Cross, like so many in our country, lost thousands upon thousands of dollars in funding this year. They are in such dire straits that this year, our community would not have it's Thanksgiving Basket brigade. They typically provide 400-500 baskets to those in need each year. I had already been told of this shortfall when delivering canned goods to their location following our CROP Walk collection last week. The man on the phone advised that our Mayor found this unacceptable, and was searching for ways to compensate for this shortage. He has called a meeting of all of the clergy from our community tomorrow at City Hall. The role I was asked to fulfill was in assisting them in having school representation, primarily through Staley, in way of another can drive - this time seeking Thanksgiving specific items. Here's the twist. In my PTG doings, I have utilized PTO Today as a significant resource for advice in succeeding in this role. For the CROP drive, I had ordered a "Schools Fight Hunger" food drive kit. The kit arrived a day AFTER our CROP drive ended. So, I already have 1000 flyers and a banner for our school ready and waiting. This wonderful man just kept saying, "You are a blessing, and I can't wait to meet you." I was invited to tomorrow's meeting, and we're in full swing to help as many families as we can. I am SO humbled to be a part of it.
I know, you're thinking...all of this before 10 am?? YES! I got to school, and I just had to phone a friend. I was practically pinching myself. I needed to say all of this out loud before I woke up from the dream! Not only was that friend a fabulous listening ear...she offered her help in rounding up support for the basket campaign. I am so blessed to know this woman. (seriously - I've known her since Kindergarten. No Joke. God's hand in this one.)
I headed into the main office to find that a box had arrived. The materials we just ordered YESTERDAY for next Wednesday's Character Achievement Ceremony had already arrived by next day UPS. Really? ONE DAY!
Another email. Oh, there are the order forms for next week's Spirit Wear Sale kickoff. Another item crossed off the to-do list. Phone rings. Scholastic Books telling me they've located 850 copies of the book we want to use in March for our One School/One Book program. Um, yeah, not only can we GET the books, but the grant funding we have to pay for half of them will count as SALES toward our book fair. So we're going to earn a PROFIT from our own purchase. We're $3,000 in sales 12 days before the sale starts...AND we can get all of the copies we need by year end. (hmmm, where am I storing those again??)
Off to the main office to report that fabulous news, and a Go Green discussion ensues. Training for our Green team, and a go ahead to start routine recycling collections on 11/2 is approved. ANOTHER easy-button transaction.
Time to get the boys. Car is acting funny. I've been perusing a replacement, but was really hoping to have a bit more money saved. No such luck. By the time I got home, it quit. By the grace of God, I was in front of my own house. But the misfortune was I missed the boys Parent Teacher Conferences. That has NEVER happened. My aunt called, I told her the news, and she said she was on her way into work, she'd come by, I could drop her off and have her car for the night.
As soon as I delivered her safely to work, I ran to the boy's school. BOTH TEACHERS had openings in the upcoming half hour, and managed to fit in my conferences. Nothing but accolades and good reports and grades. I am so blessed by these children. Darting across town, I made it back to Staley JUST in time for my daughter's conference. More accolades. Did I mention she's getting one of the aforementioned Character Awards next week? I think an image of a peacock would make due here...
Off to the races again, this time to a meeting for our district's anti-bullying plans. State legislation goes into place in 2012 called the Dignity for All Students Act. I was sitting in a room with our superintendent, along with teachers, community leaders, and concerned parents. What we learned in 90 minutes was life altering, and the promise of the progess we have the power to make was overwhelming. I am proud to be on this committee and can't wait until our next meeting!
Back home in time to grab kids and dance bags and get them to rehearsal. Later, I got a call from a mom of one of Kayla's friends to compare notes from the above meeting. She had such wonderful things to say about my daughter. I agree, she is amazing, and I am privileged to share my life with her. That child inspires me EVERY SINGLE DAY. That she is viewed as a good friend to others is a trait that can't be taught. Her heart is just pure and compassionate. She's incredible.
Joy, joy, and JOY!
My little girl has big feet. She sent a text from dance break reminding me she needed new Ugg-styled boots. My girl, ever the smart shopper, reminded me it's BOGO at Payless. Little did she know there was a 20% off coupon in the mailbox today. Off to buy boots.
We all arrived home again, and then, one more phone call. One of the amazing women I met last week at a community meeting regarding happenings in our city, specifically renewal and Green projects, gave me a call. She asked if she could quote me in support of our Mayor. She said she's been so impressed by my efforts that she felt that should be recognized. WOW.
Now - the gift of ALL gifts...my angelic babies (dog too!) are curled up on the couch sound asleep.
I know that all of these things seem small or trivial or perhaps unimportant to anyone but me...but the reality is that doors are opening for me at such a rapid pace that I'm hard pressed to get my bearings! I had NO idea that abundance could flow so FREELY in matters of making things happen. I'm beginning to live the life of my dreams, all while being KEENLY aware of how truly blessed and fortunate I am. The smallest things make the biggest difference, and honestly, it's like I suddenly found the EASY button. Even the challenges seem small in comparison to the good I've been able to do.
I just needed to write it all down...I need to remember how I got from then to now. I need to OWN my successes and realize that all of the soul searching and finally committing to what REALLY matters in my life has paid off in ways I never could have imagined. I am thrilled and excited to see what each new day will bring. Now THAT is priceless.
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