"We must be willing to get rid of the life we've planned, so as to have the life that is waiting for us. The old skin has to be shed before the new one can come."
- Joseph Campbell
They say that if you change one thing about your life, you change everything, therefore you shouldn't regret the choices you have made because they have in fact, made you who you are.
Most of the time, I am a true believer of that philosophy, but I can't deny that if I had a Do-Over, there are a few things that I would do:
I would control my temper and my tongue. It is not too late to make changes where this is concerned, but there are moments and words I truly wish I could take back, and that overall my demeanor was somewhat more calm and patient.
I would be more economically minded, and I would have saved, budgeted, and made better financial decisions. Again, going forward I can make wiser choices, but I can't get back what is gone, nor avoid the consequences of my choices up 'til now.
I would have gotten better grades in high school - even though I was an honors student I think sometimes my focus wasn't what it could have been. And then, I would have completed my Bachelors Degree right out of high school. This, too, is something that I can't change, 20 years have passed. But I can try again, and I'm wrapping up my first semester toward this goal as we speak. Still, I'm sure it would be easier if I didn't have to try to balance all of this school work with adult responsibilities! I most certainly would take advantage of dorm life and hours upon hours of available study time. (I also miss my 18 year old stamina where that is concerned!)
I would be more health conscious. I came from a meat and potatoes and Coca Cola and chocolate cake household. I wish there were more exercise and fruit and veggies, and that I didn't have to struggle so hard to create better habits now. But, I've discovered Zumba and CSA's and know that filling my stomach doesn't equal filling my soul.
I would have loved myself more, and known that THAT kind of love would have led to more fulfilling external relationships. I kept looking for someone else to fill me up, when all that did was drain me - beyond empty. Now, I'm still hoping to have someone by my side to share my life, that is a DEFINITE wish on my Do-Over list - but the responsibility of my happiness belongs to me, not anyone else. Now it is about finding a partner and companion, when then it was about having someone to "make me happy." I'm glad that I understand that now, but wish I hadn't had to go through so much pain to figure it out.
Anyone sensing a theme here? All of these things can be changed...but I wish I knew then what I know now. There is no Do-Over, but there is always starting over - as long as we're willing to try! It's a good thing then that "You are never too old to set another goal or to dream a new dream."
- C. S. Lewis