Monday, February 20, 2012

Today, you've pissed me off...AGAIN!

Apparently, this is my day to rant.

Am I mistaken about what the definition of EX-spouse is?  Aren't my responsibilities to be a personal secretary and organizer OVER?  I'm pretty sure I'm tied up doing 100% of the parenting in his absence, so beyond the fact that a divorce decree means it is no longer my duty to take care of his inability to handle simple tasks and retain basic information, I'm pretty sure that I am also FAR too busy to care for him like a fourth child! 

Seriously, today is NOT the day for my ex-husband to screw with me.  How is it that any number of people in our children's lives are FULLY aware of the appointment for our two oldest to get braces tomorrow, but he is still asking stupid questions like he is completely unaware???  First his question last week was who does he make the check out to?  If you're not sure, make it out to me, or to cash.  Still not sure? REFER TO PHOTOCOPIES YOU RECEIVED 6 months ago AND your email dated 11/16/11. It contains the detailed amounts AND the name of the organization!!  STILL unsure?? THEN CALL THEM YOURSELF!  Oh wait, he finally did - only to say, "oh, I thought the appointment was THURSDAY!" 

For the love of everything.  I can manage to keep a calendar, and the schedules of 3 kids, 2 schools, and all of their activities straight.  HE can't manage to remember a conversation we had five minutes ago.  Doctors, dentists, immunizations, haircuts, play rehearsals, science projects, friends and their parents names and addresses, allergies, dates of serious injuries, medications...I REMEMBER ALL OF IT - AND I manage to be president of a major organization, pursue a college education, maintain a household, and oh, TRY to have a social life, but he interferes with that, too.  I make sure they have clothes, sports equipment, school supplies, and gifts when they go to friend's birthday parties.  I refill prescriptions, remember when library books are due, and do EVERYTHING ELSE THAT THEY NEED, even when it is "his" visitation time.  WHEN will it end?  HOW do I get him to be responsible???

I give this man everything and I TELL him everything, he just chooses to be completely passive when it comes to his children.  I PARENT - he visits.  Those things are completely not the same.  Sure, I'm not busy, let me stop and be your personal secretary!  Um - NO!  I'm your EX wife. I owe you NOTHING!  I paid my dues, and a fortune to get OUT of our horrible marriage!  Talk to your CURRENT WIFE or your MOMMY to hold your hand and do everything for you. 

I seriously wonder how a 38 year old man who has this much difficulty in managing simple information pertaining to his own offspring even manages to wipe his own ass or tie his own shoes every day.

It is EXHAUSTING.  I'm already dealing with my own stresses and trying to manage my own life, and I get the interruption of his phone calls, texts, and stupid questions. 

My friend told me I need to "let go of my past."  HOW can I do that when I am held accountable for 100% of what happens to my children AND to this moron?  He doesn't LEAVE ME ALONE!  The best thing that could ever happen would be for him to JUST GO AWAY.  He really adds no value to their lives.  He is still abusive toward me and completely takes me for granted, and puts all of his own interests ahead of his children's. 

I'm spent.  I'm frustrated.  And now, I'm completely annoyed and distracted from what I was doing prior to his phone call.  I did EVERYTHING RIGHT - I updated him verbally after each of two of our kids THREE orthodontic consults. I gave him copies of their ENTIRE treatment plan including costs.  I emailed him the cost of the treatment and his breakdown per the court order.  And still, less than 24 hours before the appointment - I'm getting a litany of questions and nothing but a hard time. 

I wish he'd get it, I wish he would listen when I say, "They are your KIDS.  They are your RESPONSIBILITY.  You aren't "paying" me, I'm not using "YOUR" money, and I give and do more for these kids in an hour than you do in a week.  Your selfishness is DISGUSTING and proof positive of WHY we are divorced and why I was awarded SOLE custody - because you aren't capable of handling the responsibility of raising these three kids."

Not only does he play stupid and not get anything straight regarding what our kids need or when, he right there to criticize me though the minute he doesn't understand something, or something beyond my control goes wrong!  He tells me constantly how terrible the kids are, that they're liars, they're lazy, and any other number of insults.  As far as I'm concerned he is wasting his breath, because they honestly are wonderful children.  Yes, they're kids.  They make mistakes, and at moments, they drive me insane...but they are amazing, beautiful, intelligent, respectful, and adored by so many people.

I can't keep having this argument.  I refuse to continue to be held hostage by his demands.  I can't believe it is THIS hard to just DO THE RIGHT THING for his own children.

Let's see how tomorrow goes, and if he comes through for them.  Oh yeah, I'll be the one there holding their hands and cheering them on as their smiles take on a whole new shine.  THAT is what I'm paid in, love, adoration, and a respect they have for me that they'll never have for him.  He can torment me all he wants, I've already gotten the best of him.

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